HOLA, CHOLA. Have you seen this moustache necklace phenomenon? Also, I apologize for the above. I should call this the “Vagina Apprecation Necklace” because it makes me so happy I wasn’t born a boy. If I had a pelt on my face like this I would be the creepiest bro, brah.
I realized that the ironic moustache necklace trend is not dying anytime soon, so I thought we’d take this face peacocking to the next level with full blown beard necklaces. I wanted to dive ‘stache first into a Yosemite Sam full face ginger beard, but quickly remembered that Seneca Crane from The Hunger Games has the dopest face fuzz right now. Look at this jam- WHUT in tarnation is the Norelco wizardry at play here?
Seneca has a pretty clutch job, considering he came a long way from being the creepy camcorder kid from American Beauty. It seems like all you have to do to be him is rock this stylized five o’clock shadow, parachute Bengay to injured bitches in the forest, and sometimes chillax with Donald Sutherland in a topiary garden. Let’s do this. Let’s be him, minus the death-by-forest-berry part.
The instructions will be super simple for you to follow if you were ever like, a toddler with budding motor skills and such:
1. Hunt and gather supplies: For the surface of the beard, find some scrap pleather at your local fabric store or neighborhood gypsy family. You also need a bolt of stiff felt, chain, 2 jump rings, and Seneca’s beard template
2. Trace stencil onto fabric and cut pleather and felt together
3. Hot glue felt and pleather together: press down as the glue dries. Don’t forget the edges!
3. Work those jump rings into the mix and attach chain. You can choose any length you want- I like most of my necklaces to graze some tittage but that’s just me. DO YOU.
The necklace actually looks pretty architectural and cool when worn normally. This will all change soon.
When I model the Seneca beard necklace I always make sure I have my hipster Gamemaker shirt on. I only bring back my anal retentive Navajo soft-butch look for special occasions:
I know. This beard makes my subtle Kardashian resemblance that much more real for you. “Hai, my name is Klonopin Kardashian EL OH EL”
What is it about this necklace that make my smize look so rapey?
I love this piece, although my anxious rubber face still has to get used to it. I’ve almost eaten my soul patch twice.