Princess Leia is sad because disco is dead like Alderaan.
This disco ball is sooOoo shabby chic. Governor Tarkin would get his undies in a bunch over the destruction of his beloved superlaser but woops, he dead.
A lot of us in generation iPhone have to bootstrap our home décor….especially if we are holding down nearly any kind of job in this modern workplace, sifting through economic silt of our forefathers. This Death Star Disco Ball is not the cheapest craft you can make (it will cost you about $100 of your monthly candy fund and 17-500 hours of your free time), BUT…Imagine this sparkling ball hanging from the stucco in your own home: a conversation starter for infinity and beyond! An ice breaker that actually looks like broken ice. And if you are a 70s afficionado, well, what better to express “DISCO IS DEAD” this than the mirrored detritus of an exploded fictional weapon of massive planetary destruction? OKAY, OKAY.
Star Wars is the overused film franchise from which I siphon much inspiration. And mirror balls have been a staple of the Brady Bunch corner of my mind for years! And of course I love crafting pretty hard, for its therapeutic properties no doubt. Once in a while I need to sit down for 14+ hours at a labia-numbing craft like this just to get the kinks out of my whirring psyche.
You’ll need a few runs to the store for obscure supplies. If you are dedicated to cultural references and can gather up some clumsy, gleaming ambition, then you’re all set. Watch the video for the complete tutorial & may the Schwartz be whichu. And SIDENOTE YET RELATED: Princess Leia Headphones are back in the shop. I also added an exorbitantly priced Death Star Disco Ball if you are someone who would be interested in that.
What’s your favorite Star Wars character? I love Chewbacca, with his Tyra Banks skyscraper forehead and permanent bell bottoms, And I’m actually not a Darth Vader hater. I think he looks pretty cool (helmet on) and would even let him borrow my inhaler so…..
Jewelry is fucking awesome. And cheap jewelry is the most awesome, until you sweat and it leaches a band of green copper alloy residue onto your skin- the insidious Zorro mark of a Forever 21 accessory binge.
I’ve been really into gold jewelry lately, and by lately I mean the past 26 years of my life. FUN STORY: I’m allergic to Mexican gold. We found out the hard way when I got my ears pierced when I was just a larval human. My ear lobes reacted violently to the gold studs and proceeded to grow around the earrings in an attempt to eat them and assimilate them into my body for proper destruction. And I’ve been gold hungry since ’87! One time I paid for an embarrassing amount of parking tickets by selling 2 small gold coins like some millennial pirate, arrrghhh ‘tis true, me matey!!!!
It’s hard to look regal on a budget, but even harder to have the narcissistic personality disorder that is a prerequisite to aspiring to look like royalty. I love jewelry as much as the next Liz Taylor, but Mint dot com and Sallie Mae tell me that my golden dreams will have to w8 for now. I wear two gold rings on my fingers ALWAYZ. They got really loose in my post college years when I lost all my Svedka weight, and are due for a self esteem-boosting resizing. My butch daemon tempts me to do DIY a welding session, but I fear that would leave me with a melted phalange.
I saw a chain lock necklace somewhere on the vast digital plains of the Internet and knew it would help sustain and nourish my gold fever. It’s a sick design and has the visual intensity required by my daily mumus/aura. So I went off to the hardware store to get this chain door lock:
Chain locks are as old as Vaudeville, which is embarrassing to our Diabetes by Dre generation. They allow the door to open slightly, so that a marauder can still stick his arm through and shoot you in your fat face. Are these supposed to make us feel safer? Do you have one on your door? You better, just in case Creeper McCreepballs triangulates your location through your Instagrams, breaks into your apartment and furtively tries on your high heel collection before you come home from barre class some day!!!!!
This was a relatively easy craft to complete, and I highly recommend if you like attention and don’t mind wearing hardware that you find next to toilet piping at Home Depot around your dainty neck. It looks great in my tree of aluminum chains from H&M jewelry box, and probably will in yours too!
OH MY GOURD, planet Earth has twerked on its axis and sent the western hemisphere straight into Fall. At least it’s fall today in Los Angeles, my spiritual and literal homeland. Tomorrow we could all tumble into another confusing heat wave and its requisite iced coffees. After this past 2HOT2HANDLE summer, this city needed a brisk wind to diq slap us all into the next season.
With pumpkin patches sprouting up all over the place, it only makes sense to put some pumpkins to work for us after we gut their insides and disfigure their exteriors with our crude designs. OR, you could just buy the canned version of pumpkin like I did. Here’s my fall DIY pumpkin enzyme mask how-to that will make your skin glow more than a face that didn’t use this mask!
This may be my favorite craft ever, which says a lot because I am afraid of cartoons!
I hope your fainting sofa is nearby cuz shit is about to get so real.
This is my first costume DIY for Halloween 2013- Candy Crush Saga! There is a warm satisfaction in DIY-ing your own Halloween costume. It’s like a homemade “fuq-yew!” to all the mass-manufactured costumes that pop up around this time of year. The last thing we should be doing is digging through racks of packaged polyester princess dirndls at Halloween Town USA- it’s an insult to our creativity, sugartits!
Watch the video tutorial on how to recreate this look down below if the spirit moves you. And if you can’t sew- it doesn’t matter, pancake batter! You can always substitute hot glue for some sick needlework….or to make it relevant for Fall 2013, “needle-twerk“.
Recycle your hormonal contraceptive into a decorative clam shell!
All you need are these 3 ingredients!
Ortho Tri Cyclen + Light pink puff (99 cent store) + Fake Pearl! Hot glue together and you have an instant befuddling accessory. Perfect for stocking stuffers!
No table/vanity/car dashboard adornment says “I have a steady dose of hormones flowing through my bloodstream always“ like the decorative birth control clam shells.
Today we are going to RECYCLE a pair of JEANS! Just how Lifetime Television 4 Women loves to recycle the girl who played Rice in Beethoven.
Thank garsh I already had a pair of amazing denim bellbottoms that I could bastardize into a craft. Was so not in the mood to hit up Goodwill and frantically ricochet through racks of battle-weary pleather with trembling lips and a Panda Express-induced side cramp. Steps below!
The purse is perfect for all my everyday essentials.
I found this pair of pants in Hiimrawn‘s goodwill bin. Look at that detail! A pickpocket’s woven dream.
STEP 1: Gather supplies: colorful scarf, thick gold chain (the thicker, the flossier), 2 metallic clips, velcro dots, hot glue gun, scissors, and some sick 90s patches that you keep locked away in a happyface tupperware, just me??
STEP 2: Pillage a pair of jeans or denim shorts from your closet or local thrift shop. Choose something cool if you can- preferaby something crumpled and forgotten that you can resurrect. I recommend using a pair with some room, as opposed a pair of labia-numbing skinny jeans. That is, of course if one of your priorities is to fit a Costco box of super tampons in your purse so you don’t have to pay an extra 10 cents for a bag. #SANTAMONICA
STEP 3: Give the pants an “Imma cut you, bitch” look
STEP 4: Watch the video to learn how to do the rest
STEP #1: BE A GIRL
THERE ARE NO OTHER STEPS
I’m going to VidCon today and these are my costume choices! These are really cool pieces but unfortunately these pictures make my clothes look hungover, so pardon the lumpen masses of fabric. I’m putting these items into retirement after the weekend because I’ve probably worn these two outfits the most this summer, but the Anaheim Convention center doesn’t know that, amirite?!
The thing on the left is a frightening circus tent of an ensemble. Mumus are so misunderstood! But it feels like home to me and makes my butt look like a 70s pancake. Color-cockblocking here I come!!!!
I bought the black-green dress (it’s folded in half here) at Shareen Vintage, which is an awesome vintage hideout in downtown LA that is literally a warehouse filled with the most unique vintage dresses you will ever come across. We’ll see how long I last in this thing in the hot bitchass So-Cal atmosphere. It tends to turn into a polyester prison if I am not air conditioned or refrigerated after sitting/standing/dancing/complaining in a room with several humans. Maybe the Disney folks in Anaheim will let me sneak into Walt’s cryogenic freeze chamber for a disco nap if I get overheated. If you hear a loud “Thwaaaaap-SNAP” noise later, it is me pulling a swatch of polyester that has adhered to my sweaty back. Yeah, this is definitely a bad choice for an El Lay summer day, but I’m a stubborn lady who feels like looking all Brady Bunch sometimes.
I’m wearing sandals where the front strap has a complicated metallic exoskeleton that mimics the way my soul felt when my car was abruptly towed from the Vons parking lot yesterday morning: spiky, fragile, and exposed. But I’m still excavating them from somewhere under my bed so a picture will have to w8, QUEEN!
- Silk scarves with Hubble photo prints on them?! Take me to yer leader!
- I got to cross “be in workout video with Richard Simmons” off my bucket list! Checkout Workout-Wednesdays:
- JP Morgan CEO pwns an internet gold digger.
Almanzo took the biggest doughnut from the pan and bit off its crisp end. Mother was rolling out the golden dough, slashing it into long strips, rolling and doubling and twisting the strips. Her fingers flew; you could hardly see them. The strips seemed to twist themselves under her hands, and to leap into the big copper kettle of swirling hot fat. Plump! they went to the bottom, sending up bubbles. Then quickly they came popping up, to float and slowly swell, till they rolled themselves over, their pale golden backs going into the fat and their plump brown bellies rising out of it
- My favorite tampon ad in the history of ever: Camp Gyno!
- This is what Wifi would look like if you could see it. What, you guys don’t see it like I do?
Have a GR8 weekend, kumquats!