I wanted to recreate the magical pies from the “Never Feast” in Hook because as a grown up I can manipulate icing and food coloring as I please, which is sooooo Bangarang! Paying homage to a childhood favorite in the form of a craft or costume is almost sacramental. In clumsily manufacturing our own little interpretation of something that struck a cord in our budding psyches, we are placing it firmly on the mantle of respect whilst we sit around the campfire together and crow a libretto in unison.
The endearingly clodhopping Lost Boys from Hook are actually super Martha Stewart-y. They are seasoned experts at gourd crafting and can MacGyver wild dinner spreads using their imaginations alone. They fashion deadly weapons out of bamboo, feathers, and marbles, and wear only vintage clothing so I have a deep affinity and reverence for them. I am neither lost nor a boy, but my current bedroom actually reminds me of the children’s room in Hook. At night I delicately yodel against the windowsill, looking up at glinting interstellar bodies and a circling LAPD helicopter whilst wearing one of those old timey pajama onesies that has a confusing butt flap. I await the entry of a butch fairy who will sprinkle me with dust and whisk me away to a millennial Never-Never Land. A land where froyo flows forth for free and I am absolved of my student debt. Where the sport of choice is skeet-shooting mortarboards and tassels while we roast our diplomas on a spitfire. A land where we can blog for a living with premium health insurance. A land where the recession can walk the plank.
It’s good to have a dream, amirite!! In the meantime I can recreate the enticing sweets from the Never Feast in the safety of my own home where I pay rent + utilities and fulfill other sobering responsibilities of a modern woman who would never be invited to a Lost Boys’ party in the first place because I am an adult, and the only adults in Never Land are pirates.
You can make big pies, or small pies- all you need are walloping THWAAPPS of neon whipped cream! I plan to pair the pies with some sort of Cornish poultry that I will hoover on a full moon.
Here’s how to do these things: