These are pretty much the most piece of shit winter terrariums in like the history of ever. But at least I didn’t use real dirt, right?? Is it just me or does anyone else get a little skeezed out by real terrariums that have like a pound of clumpy sod on the bottom? I’m not too keen on bringing any unneeded dirt into my apartment because my feet sweep enough loose debris into this place after losing my shoes at the gay bars every weekend, thankyouverymuch HAY GURL HAY.
Yeah, these terrariums showcase snow, tiny gingerbread men, and a bunch of other festive holiday objects. I know that Christmas is like, soooo last week, but just hear me out. The only thing that I think is weirder than Christmas is the fact that we all forget about it the next day. The fuq? If we’re going to have a holiday where we celebrate the birth of a magical baby in a Bethlehem mule trough, then I wanna ride this crazy train until it’s the time of year when LA stops pretending to be winter.
The directions for this terrarium are really simple but I’ll walk you through them if it will make you love me more and overlook all my flaws that you’ll inevitably discover more and more as we deepen our online relationship.
First I dug up some sparkly winter decor. Luckily my Christmas morning M.O. is pawing through frowzy heaps of rejected tinsel while all the iSnobs around me are busy with what Santa shat under the tree for them that year. I supplemented the tiny ornaments and sparkly fake snow below with some pimp dinosaurs from the 99 cent store that I had hoarded in the back of my closet like a rodent gearing up for winter.
Then I busted out the wine glasses. Terrariums usually don’t have a stem, but I think they make the whole project look hella jaunty and regal as fuq.
I gently laid the sparkle pubes inside glasses then added the ornaments and dinos. That’s it! My OCD Windexed the outside of the glasses as a final step but that’s optional if you’re already feelin’ fresh.
Creepin, like I do.