I have a sneaking suspicion that the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon is going to bring an avalanche of bondage and S&M fashion trends–as if it didn’t already happen every year in a big leather wave with Rihanna sitting on its crest wearing a hemp ball gag. For the uninformed, 50 Shades of Grey is the first in a series of novels that started as Twilight fan fuckery and turned into full blown “mommy porn” trilogy, replete with bondage and kinkiness galore. I heard Seacrest wailing about it on his morning show the other day and for whatever reason, it appears that this book has firmly clamped the large turgid nipple of the mass consciousness right now.

I’m excited for the impending bondage accessory DIY mania…. I’ll be waiting with the hammer of Thor in hand, ready to lay the smackdown on some cobbler’s leather.  I’ve always dug the look of harnesses and leather and studs, probably because I’m a freaking badass biatch whose coolness must be restrained. I got really into the aesthetic back in college when I was part of a super hilarious student event.

Sidenote- Back in school I was never a part of the Greek system. I wasn’t a horrible frat boy cling-along nor a lucite sorority girl so I had to find acceptance and belonging elsewhere. I clearly sampled the frat-tastic dudes for sport, but never caught full-on ebrola, thankyouverymuch. I actually got rejected from every sorority at Yale, most likely because the other girls could tell my mental diq was the biggest in the room and tucked their necks into their double-collared shells whenever I came around. Thankfully, my school was an ideal playground for marginalized oddities like me and I found my tribe. I didn’t need the sororities and their awesome lesbian manors!

One way I searched for meaningful integration into college life was by latching onto scandalous student organizations. Transgressive gypsy living perfectly suited me as a lapsed Catholic! I co-directed this sex education event called Sex Week at Yale, in which one of my many tasks was interviewing JT of JT’s Stockroom, aka the premier fetish and bondage sexporium in the sunny City of Angels. He was very charming and his company kindly sent me a few high res pictures of naked women in puppy cages.  OH And I somehow finagled a deal where we would promote them on a poster for a huge party, aptly named “Skull and BONED,” in return for borrowing $3,000 worth of latex fetish wear for the poster design.  They sent me boxes full of pristine girdles and skirts made of latex…I had to be oiled like a vintage Schwarzenegger in order to fit into those tiny rubber sheaths, but hark! It worked!

50 Shades of bondage fashion:

The caged bird BLINGS:

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